Columbia Pictures / Imagine Entertainment – 2009

Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer, Stellan Skarsgard

Director: Ron Howard

In preparing myself to see Angels & Demons, I did something I don’t normally do when heading off to see a film - my research.  By which, I mean, I actually read a few reviews of the film.  Some of the reviews, like one from The Carlile Independent in Arkansas (“there’s such a thing as a happy medium, and once again Howard hasn’t managed to find it.”) tauted Angels & Demons succeeds where The Da Vinci Code failed.  What?  Really?  Interesting.  While I am not a big religious action film buff, I did enjoy parts of The Da Vinci Code, and yes, I’ve read the book by Dan Brown.  So, with varying and contradictory information whirling in my brain, I headed into the darkened theatre with 10 minutes to go before showtime.

I waited.  And I waited.  It took a half an hour of previews to get to the actual film (whose running time is more on par with 125 minutes than the 150 minutes posted at some film sites from the beginning of the film to the beginning of the credits).  This is typical, and I never mind watching previews, but what I didn’t know and should have was that this would be indicative of my Angels & Demons experience…waiting for something to happen and then rolling my eyes when it did.

The basic premise of the movie is simple: the most recent, and beloved pope has died.  The four favored cardinals for papal succession have been kidnapped by a group claiming to belong to the ancient Illuminati.  Robert Langdon (played by a lean, mean, sans-bi-level Tom Hanks, who appears briefly in a Speedo!) is brought in by the Vatican Police because when things go awry in the real world, we call in symbologists to help us see the signs around us.  To make matters worse, or more interesting, director Ron Howard and screenwriter Akiva Goldsmith decide to bring in the Hadron Collider at CERN and their quest to discover antimatter.  Let’s put this to rest right now – that’s a stretch.  Sadly, many non-scientifically-knowledgeable folks around the globe thought  the world was going to end in the Fall of 2008 when the Collider was being brought online.  We all know what happened then - (thankfully) nothing.  Because, in fact, the Collider had to be shut down for adjustments.  Anyway, stretch or not, films are supposed to reach for those things which are not quite possible and allow us to step into the amazing and wonderful safe zone of the “What ifs…”

Unfortunately, the idea that a small canister containing a rather fictional (at this particular juncture in time) clump of antimatter would be used by a modern day terrorist group that has infiltrated the highest levels of the Catholic Church in the Vatican is slim at best.  Add to this the weakness of clues (where The Da Vinci Code was sharp, intelligent, creative), heavy handed violent content, and a lack of unpredictable plot twists and Angels & Demons receives a resounding not-a-win/not-a-fail…

Don’t get me wrong – I love the idea that there are hidden symbols around us.  Symbols that contain meanings we have become blind to, forgotten.  I love the idea that following a path of these hidden symbols will, in some way, unlock hidden truths like a magical key twisting in an ornate, antique chest.   And, I also realize as one of human civilizations oldest organizations, the Catholic Church is ripe with mystery…but stop trying to make me feel in any way empathetic toward them.  They are not immune to the infiltration of crazies who want to twist reality to their own ends.

And I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling as though Angels & Demons might have fared better if it had explored in more detail the existence of the Illuminati, instead of using it as some kind of invisible threat, hellbent on exacting revenge for events in the distant past.  From what I can tell from briefly reading various online papers, the only “real” Illuminati began sometime during the late 1770’s in Bavaria as a type of shadow government, intent on the eventuality of total world domination.  That’s right – they’ve even been linked (however unsubstantiated) to the Masons.  Far more interesting than the eternal struggle for power within the Vatican itself.

The final word:  if you liked the Da Vinci Code, you’re probably going to enjoy Angels & Demons.  Tom Hanks is a national treasure now that he’s cut off that bi-level, and I couldn’t be happier that he’s actually still making films.  But, if you’re anything like my mother (who can untangle the most Hitchcockian of plot twists), you will find yourself unable to happily play along as Angels & Demons predictably fumbles from one bloody murder scene to the next.  Angels & Demons is probably the best wait-until-you-can-Netflix-it candidate I’ve yet seen this year.